Thai massage for 200 Thai Bath

It's impossible to avoid hearing phrases like "Massaaage!", "Massaaage! Miiisteeer!", and "Miiisteeer! Massaaage you liiike!" (one of my personal favorites) if you're strolling around in Phuket's tourist traps.

So, what's Thai massage really like? Is it rough? A handful of violence mixed with two cups of pure rage? Is it true that the massage girl / woman is walking and climbing all over your body making it look more like an expedition to Everest than traditional massage? I had to find out. Since no one - except Per who had done this a number of times already - volunteered, I had to use my own body, roughly 2m of prime Swedish male, for the experiment.

"Ok. I'll go for a one hour Thai Massage. 200 Thai Bath."
"I have one condition though. Must be able to sit upright afterwards."
"Haven't had lunch yet you know. Yes. No. Never tried it before."
"Will like it? Yeah, I really hope so."
"Must be able to sit upright afterwards - Oh, yeah, sorry. You already know. Yeah."

It was dark inside the massage institute. Reminds me of the phrase "It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black"...

Me to the left, Per to the right. No oil, just one tough Thai woman kneading my body like dough.

Aouch. What's this move called? Was it even in their massage instructions?

Almost done. Putting the pieces together again.

Done. One hour. It felt great. At least afterwards. Per told me that this was one of the toughest he'd experienced so far - and it was my first encounter with Thai massage. But I'll definitely do it again. Maybe a two hour session next time...

For reference: This took place at "Hakone Thai Style Massage", one of the massage institutes in Patong Beach, Phuket.